drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
