weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time