god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid