is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
