either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.