We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.