I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a hot homeless man
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.