he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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