oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
love makes seman taste better
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.