Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
try to milk me bitch
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