She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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