Michael Bay diarrhea
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
