Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
