if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
