u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
