I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
