I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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