you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
