you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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