So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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