one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
