My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
