suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
