he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got inside last night via doggy door
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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