Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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