david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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