Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize