Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
