my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
