I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
