Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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