Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
