I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
