i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
