First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
