His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
