Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
