I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Operation Purity has been aborted
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
