so explain again why im purple
no
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
