Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
