5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
