Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize