we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
