Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
