I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
