That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
