yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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