New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think i got beer on your cat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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