Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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