The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pants are for mortals
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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