Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
