White coat. Heels.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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