WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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