just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
