And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
