seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize