community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
there is glitter all over my balls
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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