I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk is a universal language darling
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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