so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
