The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize