You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
