Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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