WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
