no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize