Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize