sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
