12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
