I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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