I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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