I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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