Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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